On a day that comes once in every four years I think a post about time is appropriate.
Today my friend Zoe called and told me how she is thinking of telling her boyfriend "I love you" for the first time. However she wasn't sure if enough time had gone by for her to say it to him and have him not freak out. The odd part of this scenario is that they have been dating a year next month. The word has never been slipped into their relationship. I told her I thought enough time had gone by for her to say it but she still seemed scared & then I drew a blank.
After an hour of raking this over in our brains of his actions & his behaviors to her I told her to wait until their anniversary to see if he says it first. If he doesn't say it over the course of that day then she should say it. If he doesn't say it back then she may have to re-evaluate if her boyfriend even wants a serious relationship, which I know she does. But...a Year...normally 365 days...I think that's more than enough time to tell a guy the "L" word right? Or is it?
CJ sort of blurted it out after 4 months of dating. We were at a concert of a band I liked and I said to him, "I hope you don't think I'm weird for liking this goth band." To which he responded, "Melanie, I fucking love you. I could never think you were weird." He walked away before I could say anything but we exchanged the mutual "Love you's" later that night. Looking back...was that early to say it?
It just seemed so right with us and he said it first so it honestly let out some pressure on me to say it. I knew I did love him but this is an awkward subject that changes from couple to couple, I think. Another friend of mine, Samara, met a friend of CJ's in September, and by the end of October they were saying "I love you". By the end of the December they moved in together, but two weeks later their relationship crumbled. It vanished as fast as it came to be. They've both come to the conclusion they fell in love w/ the idea of the perfect this & that, but in the end didn't really know each other at all. Hmmm...
It took 500 days for Joseph Gordon Lewitt's character to get over Summer. I think in 200 or so days she realized she wasn't in love w/ him. That's almost 7 months!! After all of Season 2 & all of Season 3 Leonard in The Big Bang Theory said "I love you" to Penny, but it was too early for her. She wasn't ready. But then you have people that say it back but then don't mean it. Geez love is hard. Your right, Pat Benatar, love is a total battlefield.
I also told my friend Zoe that she should say it when it feels right. If she feels it, she should let her boyfriend know it. A year is definitely enough time. Right?
What Do You Think? Is There Really a "Too Soon" or a "Long Since Due" Amount of Time to Say "I Love You"? When did you say "I Love You"?
A year!Maybe its the cultural difference,but it seems really too too long.After a yr of going around,they must be beyond all the role/game playing stage and must be open and vulnerable to each other.If people have to think twice before professing one's love after a year,I really dont know what to say...
ReplyDeleteOh my I would be rethinking it if he hadn't said it within a year. They must have talked about where they want their relationship to be heading by now too? I know Joe said it first to me and if I remember right it was within a month or two [we've always being going against the rules from the off].
ReplyDeleteThis is sooooo weird. I was thinking this morning how I wanted to write an "I love you." Post and then you went and wrote. Creeeeeeeeeeepy.
ReplyDelete(We said it at 5 months.)
personal preference - I have a friend who won't say it before a year. But my bf and I said it after 2 weeks and have been together 2.5 years!
ReplyDeleteWhen you know, you know. My only advice is try not to say it when you're drunk!
I think every relationship is different. Some couples are not open with each other and it takes a long time to get to know each other. I don't think you can really love someone for real unless you really know them. So I think the timing of the "L" word should directly relate to how well you know them. Some couples go through a lot in the beginning of their relationship, and get to know each other really fast - so it would be normal for them to say it sooner.
ReplyDeleteTake a look at soldiers at war. Sometimes they've only been serving together for 3 months but with all they see and go through, they have such a tight bond, that when they say they love each other like family, they really mean it. To me, it's the same with romantic love - it all depends on the conditions surrounding your relationship, and how open you are with each other.
This post hit me hard personally. My ex last year broke up with me after five months, citing that he wasn't in love with me. I personally found this ridiculous because I don't think love comes that easy. I think five months is too much pressure to know that feeling, but maybe that's me personally. I'd like to think I WOULD know and be able to say it if it was coming up to a year though.
ReplyDeleteIt totally depends on the people and the couple involved. For me, I was never one to say, "I love you," soon into a relationship, but after being with Mr. A for three weeks, I knew I was head over heels for him. I'm a super guarded person when it comes to that stuff, but I just knew. Before that, I would rarely say it because love isn't that easy.
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