The Dating Game...Only Three or Four Dates??

Over the course of the past month, a few of my friends have complained to me about the same exact thing and I'm honestly drawing a blank. Each girl has met a guy either online, at a bar, one at her kickboxing class, and another was a friend of friend. I've seen these girls be so happy and hopeful about the charm and prospects of the new men in their lives. They are planning new date ideas, telling me how they talked all night, and one went to karaoke on the first date. One of my friends actually went to the same restaurant CJ took me on our first date. I would smile at them and say, "Hey, I'll keep my fingers crossed for ya!".

Fast forward to after three or four dates...that seems to be the magic number here...the guys will start acting peculiar. One told my friend Julia, he was so tired and broke plans with her for Friday night. Low & behold on Facebook, the same guy mentioned how great the Mass Effect 3 game was that same night. She never heard from him again. Another friend, the guy seemed perfect on paper, but admitted that he forget he had a Fantasy Baseball draft one Friday night that should have been the 5th date. Understandable, so my friend let it go and tried to make plans for Saturday night w/ him. He said he again had plans he had forgotten about that he had made w/ the guys. She is currently still waiting to hear from him...With another the guy just seemed to disappear into thin air after those three or four dates...

After every date in the beginning w/ CJ, he would say to me after a few moments of making out, when can I see you again? I think we had a date every few days for a month before I was his girlfriend. We never had that hurdle to overcome of the first few dates block. Every one of my friends w/ this 3-4 date issue are asking me why CJ and I didn't have this problem and asking him how did you know Melanie was someone you wanted to see that next time and next time? "We clicked and somehow it just felt right..." Well that isn't the greatest answer to give. But I haven't always been this lucky w/ guys.

I dated this Drummer Boy for a while, but after the 5th date he admitted he wasn't done yet w/ his dating life and didn't want to settle down. I at least in that scenario got a straight answer and didn't waste my time. Another guy I dated, the Spanish boy w/ the grey eyes, after 3 dates called me the wrong name and told me he had pneumonia for 2 months straight was a coward. I saw on Myspace way back when he was dating a girl w/ the name he miscalled me. That magic numbers of 3-5 hit me in the face, not literally, but I kept trying...

I told those stories to my friends and they calmed down and proceeded to ask, "What is it about those first few dates that makes them run?? What are we doing wrong?" If it was only one friend it would be seem to be her or the guy, but 4 friends? It seems to be a pattern...and my friends are caught in the age-old question...Sigh...

What do you think on the 3-4 Date Curse? What's up w/ it??

Between a Rock & a Hard Place…I Have to Tell Him…

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Over the weekend during St. Patty’s Day shenanigans in the city, CJ’s best friend Sean’s girlfriend revealed to me that she is not exactly happy w/ her current relationship. I’ve been thinking that there was something off w/ her for at least a month or so and I guess she needed a few drinks to finally tell the truth. 

CJ’s best friend and she have been bickering lately and all through St. Patty’s day they didn’t take one picture together. We took pictures of her, and she took a pic of him, meanwhile she took a picture of CJ & me without blinking an eye. None of them together. It was odd & when we went out of the bar for her to have a cigarette she admitted to me she didn’t know what to do about her unhappiness because Sean doesn’t seem to have a clue about it. She is not a malicious person, so she doesn’t want to blindside with this information, but I don’t believe in staying in a relationship if your not happy, BUT I do believe on trying to work things out. She doesn’t know if working on it will help…

She loves Sean w/ all her heart, and they have been dating now 2 years, but she feels like he doesn’t even know her anymore. That is not good. I asked her if she has tried to talk to him about this, and she says she’s afraid to because she doesn’t want to hurt him, but…if you don’t speak up and be honest w/ him of course things are going to be messed up. I don’t know all the details but she really did drop this on me suddenly and I’m not sure what to do now…She never said don't tell CJ...

CJ is my boyfriend and Sean is his best friend, I feel like I should tell CJ what Sean’s girlfriend told me but I don’t know if it is my place to tell. I don’t want to see Sean get hurt, but I think him and his girlfriend deserve to be happy. Maybe if I tell CJ to tell Sean to talk to her about their relationship, perhaps it would be a step in the right direction for them to figure themselves out…or it could backfire and I’d lose her as a friend and things could get awkward for all of us. I just don’t know, but it feels like information I should tell CJ. It’s important, ending or working on a relationship of two years. 

I told her maybe they should try dating again; see if the spark is even still there. I also told her to tell Sean that she is going to have a really busy week and just needs some time to herself to relax a bit, so she can pull herself together and see what she wants to do. Maybe I should give her a lil time before I tell CJ…Ahhh…I don’t know what to do…

Would you tell your Boyfriend/Girlfriend if you found out their Best Friend’s Relationship maybe having problems??

 I would love to hear…

I Escaped One Possible Future...

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Have you ever dated or had a brief fling w/ someone who made it all too easy to walk away from him/her? I know that sounds twisted because you don’t enter relationships to hope for a clean break at the end but luckily this in fact happened to me. 

Right before I met CJ I had a brief fling w/ a certain guy, let’s call him Abe, and it really was all a matter of friend association. We all hung out and then when it came time to pair up I wound up w/ Abe. I had been single for a while and drowning a lil in self pity. This man at first helped lift my spirits up. He made me laugh, told me I was pretty, and told me I wasn’t like other girls yada yada. My weekends were booked and I had a warm shoulder to lay my head on. But the other sides of his personality reared their ugly heads. 

He was a total jerk and if any man or woman tells you “Quantity over Quality” in regards to relationships, just turn and walk away. 

One night I did exactly that. It’s been about 2 years now since all of this crap, and I honestly forget the conversation that pushed me over the edge. After about 3 months of this fling, I got up, picked up my high heels, and rushed for the door. I think I had found out I was just a penny in Abe’s life… “One out of Many”…and I didn’t even say goodbye. I looked him dead in the eye and just walked away. The door was right there welcoming me and I walked calmly out of it. I didn’t even cry, not once. 

Abe tried to come back in my life 6 months after, and then again, but I didn’t answer the phone or respond to any text. That door was so closed behind me.

Fast forward to now…My friend Zoe, is still friends w/ Abe and when I spoke to her briefly yesterday she started off the conversation as, “You Escaped!” I was like  “Huh?” and she responded, “Everyone’s joking about how Melanie escaped from Abe! HA!” Apparently she found out Abe is now married and having his first kid in a few weeks. They got married for health insurance reasons. She says he’s changed and is looking forward to be a father. BUT then she told me he asked about how I was doing & said he missed me… You have a baby on the way and your married and you’re still asking about a girl who dumped you over 2 years ago? I told Zoe there’s your answer on if he has truly changed…

This all irked me a lil bit and I figured out why. I did escape his trap of a life w/ him. He wasn’t the most careful of men in certain areas, but I was a lil too wise beyond my years w/ him too. I wasn’t going to play the game anymore and hope he got nicer to me down the line. He had told me he wanted to get married one day & have kids and be a good father. It all sounded sweet, but then he would belittle me w/ such a quick jab comment that it could give you whip plash from the swiftness. It truly boggles my mind how people could be so nice one minute and then such a horror the next. Yeah, he could have changed, but I still have to let out a sigh of relief it’s some other girl w/ him now, not me. 

Now I’m w/ such a great man who tells me he loves me at the end of every phone call. CJ and I maybe planning a vacation to San Antonio, Texas and then a road trip to Phoenix, AZ. This is a future I look forward to a lil more each day. What an amazing difference 2 years will make…

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What an Odd Lil Slice of Drama...

Here’s the Background Information:

I’ve been dating my boyfriend, CJ, for almost 2 years this May. His previous big relationship w/ his ex was ended in August 2009 & it had been for 4 years.  She dumped CJ for another guy whom of which she is still dating. She has never re-contacted CJ for any reason. It was a hard breakup for CJ. Of course it would have been due to it being a 4 year relationship…

Anywho, fast forward time to last November. I went to a local bagel shop to get breakfast one morning for CJ and I. I turned to the soda refrigerators and notice a girl staring back at me with a man at her side. At first there was no flicker of recognition, until it hit me. She was CJ’s ex. I immediately looked forward and waited for my sandwiches trying to blend into the crowd. I knew she had gone to stand in line and when I tried to steal a glance over in their direction, the boyfriend was now staring back at me. He quickly jerked his head forward so I wouldn’t catch him staring at me. Yeah, no, I totally saw him. Busted. I get my sandwiches and leave….

Not less than a week later, I get an email for a friend request from this girl on one of my social networking sites' profile. I panicked and told CJ. He was shocked and asked me to show him. I proceeded to log into my account to confirm the friend request. BUT when I went to my profile, the friend request wasn’t there. Odd…CJ and I came to the conclusion that she was creeping around my profile & probably accidentally hit the Friend Request button by mistake & tried to cover up, not realizing I get email alerts of friend requests. Weird but no worries. Actually I thought it was sort of funny.

   Present-Time

This Saturday I wake up and check my email. I had gotten a friend request from a girl’s first name I didn’t recognize, but the last name struck a cord. Apparently CJ’s ex has a twin sister. To which I then looked at my profile to confirm the request and AGAIN it wasn’t there, only the email proof.

What the fuck? The odds of ONE mistaken “Add Friend” action is totally pliable. The odds of her twin being just as stupid? I highly doubt it. Also this alleged “Friend Request” was done at 3:15am…That’s a clue. I’m wondering who was drunk or thought it would be cute to start yet again playing with my profile. It could be that there is something wrong w/ my profile but I doubt it.

Now what to do with this pesky lil problem? I have done nothing to provoke these girls or make them hate me or anything except run into one of them by accident. Well I did kiss CJ once in front of his ex at last year’s St. Patty’s Day Parade but in a crowd of people so I doubt she saw me. Regardless that was almost a year ago. This stalking is recent.

CJ and I have decided to send the ex an email and forward her to two email Friend Requests. We are going to try and be adults about this and ask them kindly to stop because honestly I’m in no mood for a lil High Schoolish prank. We are in our mid-20’s not teenagers. Hopefully it will be effective?!?!

Have you had a Cyber Stalking Situation before from a Significant Others Ex? 

How did you handle it?