Over the course of the past month, a few of my friends have complained to me about the same exact thing and I'm honestly drawing a blank. Each girl has met a guy either online, at a bar, one at her kickboxing class, and another was a friend of friend. I've seen these girls be so happy and hopeful about the charm and prospects of the new men in their lives. They are planning new date ideas, telling me how they talked all night, and one went to karaoke on the first date. One of my friends actually went to the same restaurant CJ took me on our first date. I would smile at them and say, "Hey, I'll keep my fingers crossed for ya!".
Fast forward to after three or four dates...that seems to be the magic number here...the guys will start acting peculiar. One told my friend Julia, he was so tired and broke plans with her for Friday night. Low & behold on Facebook, the same guy mentioned how great the Mass Effect 3 game was that same night. She never heard from him again. Another friend, the guy seemed perfect on paper, but admitted that he forget he had a Fantasy Baseball draft one Friday night that should have been the 5th date. Understandable, so my friend let it go and tried to make plans for Saturday night w/ him. He said he again had plans he had forgotten about that he had made w/ the guys. She is currently still waiting to hear from him...With another the guy just seemed to disappear into thin air after those three or four dates...
After every date in the beginning w/ CJ, he would say to me after a few moments of making out, when can I see you again? I think we had a date every few days for a month before I was his girlfriend. We never had that hurdle to overcome of the first few dates block. Every one of my friends w/ this 3-4 date issue are asking me why CJ and I didn't have this problem and asking him how did you know Melanie was someone you wanted to see that next time and next time? "We clicked and somehow it just felt right..." Well that isn't the greatest answer to give. But I haven't always been this lucky w/ guys.
I dated this Drummer Boy for a while, but after the 5th date he admitted he wasn't done yet w/ his dating life and didn't want to settle down. I at least in that scenario got a straight answer and didn't waste my time. Another guy I dated, the Spanish boy w/ the grey eyes, after 3 dates called me the wrong name and told me he had pneumonia for 2 months straight was a coward. I saw on Myspace way back when he was dating a girl w/ the name he miscalled me. That magic numbers of 3-5 hit me in the face, not literally, but I kept trying...
I told those stories to my friends and they calmed down and proceeded to ask, "What is it about those first few dates that makes them run?? What are we doing wrong?" If it was only one friend it would be seem to be her or the guy, but 4 friends? It seems to be a pattern...and my friends are caught in the age-old question...Sigh...
What do you think on the 3-4 Date Curse? What's up w/ it??
I only know I hated dating when I was younger and for me 3 dates where a pain. I think maybe there's too much pressure those first days that's so easy to ruin everything. The best advice given by wise woman is just be yourself, if they run... they run... phew...
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure...maybe they get insecure?
ReplyDeleteMaybe that's how long it takes for a guy to know whether or not it's worth hanging out with a girl? Like you and CJ, Andy always squared away the next date before the current date was over. He was in to me. (Holla!) But guys are too wussy to actually break up with girls, so ignoring them after a few dates seems to be what they do.
ReplyDeleteEver since my divorce 6 years ago I've done a LOT of dating and I think Shannon has it right because to be honest, I have been totally guilty of doing exactly that myself - ending things after just 3-4 dates. It's always because I can tell by that point whether or not there's any potential and if the right chemistry is there. But unlike the guys, I am nice enough to tell them I'm done and don't just blow them off. Shannon's right, most guys are way to wussy to do the right thing, and they'll just stop contacting you altogether if they're no longer interested. Also I think that many guys on online dating sites are like kids in a candy store and just want to sample as much merchandise as possible. So if they happen to find someone willing to go out with them who seems cuter or better than you for whatever reason, you get dropped like a hot potato.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! Nice to find you - after so long! Following. :)
ReplyDeleteI think their is something to the 3-4 date curse - although perhaps, it's more about realizing who is a good fit or not. And a lot of times guys don't have the balls to be honest - or are afraid of hurting feelings - so they pull a disappearing act.
Keep living your fabulous life. Love happens as you live - and yes - when we least expect it!
xxoo
Christine
@thatgalkiki
I'm more of a one date curse girl. The one before last got back with his ex after one date, and my ex backed out after one date too. We DID end up together for nearly six months eventually, but it nearly didn't happen. So three or four dates mystifies me!
ReplyDeleteI have dated 3-4 guys before and it is just not for me. I think I have to really seriously date a guy that i really like.
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