Monday, April 30, 2012

Will You Tell Me I Look Fat In That Dress In the Future? – A Relationship Post

New Couples are blossoming everywhere  this Spring  in CJ & I’s social life. One couple is CJ’s cousin, Katrina, & her new boyfriend, Clyde. They met about 2 weeks ago, but hit it off so they are already boyfriend & girlfriend. *Insert “Awww” sound.* Even though it is so new that it has a new car smell, they have already had their first constructive argument where Katrina got mad at Clyde’s answer to a small question. 

“Will You Tell Me I Look Fat in That Dress In the Future?”

Clyde said, “Yes I would tell her.” Now, personally I applaud Clyde's honesty to Katrina right off the bat. It may sound mean, but he didn't say it in a condescending way or as a snicker, he was just telling the truth. Depending on how you act on those first dates, a few stretched truths sometimes wiggle their way into the “About Me” categories. I told Katrina to not be mad at him that he would tell her about a future dress but appreciate that he would give her a true blunt honest response. Sometimes due to the relationship status those stretched truths become lies so the other person doesn't get hurt, but I'm a sucker for pure honesty.

I would be so happy if CJ told me that I didn't look good in that dress or those shoes. He actually hates these pair of flats I bought, but I realized he only hates them because the design is too busy. When he told me he didn't like them, I of course was pissed for a second, but then I took them off and changed my shoes. Every girl I know loves them on me, so it must be a girl thing to like them. CJ didn't yell or sound like a jerk, he simply stated "Hey Babe, I don't like those shoes, you should wear those black ones. They are really cute on you." I'm not going to NOT wear these shoes anymore, but I'm only going to wear them when he isn't around. I guess I'm weird but because he was honest & not an asshole about it, I took the criticism and went on like nothing happened. Even CJ was shocked I didn't blow up at him.

I calmly told CJ that I thought how he told me about not liking the shoes was nicely done. I think guys forget that they can say something negative to their girlfriends without coming off as an assholes if they tell us nicely & constructively. I told Clyde all of that after hearing about the future dress issue, and said well don't come right and say "That dress makes you look fat" to Katrina, but perhaps say, "Hey, hmmm...I like that other dress you wore to so & so better. Why don't you wear that, instead?" Clyde nodded, hugged me, and said I hope I remember that because that's perfect! 

Am I crazy here or,

If Guys tell us Nicely & Constructively Instead of being an Asshole that the Dress is Unflattering is it Okay??  Or Should they Lie??

What are your thoughts on this matter??


  1. I agree about CJ and the shoe comment. It's nice to know guys are just saying "you look good" and not really meaning it. I like that he had a preference. And he was nice about it too.

    But NOW - you have to share a picture of those shoes for us girls, you know the shoe loving type, to see!!

  2. My hubby is great with kind honesty. Sometimes if he just doesn't get the outfit I wear it anyway but, overall I totally love that I can ask him and tell me that it's too tight on my bum or it just doesn't work. Sometimes us girls can take things too personally :) It took me a while to not get mad at his sometimes opinions.

  3. When I go thrifting I always ask my boyfriend "does this look mawmaw-ish?" or I'd want him to tell me if it's ugly. A lot of time he's honest and will say "I don't like that" or "That looks too grandma-ish" and I appreciate it. He always says it nicely though and If I already own something or am wearing it he won't say anything then to make me feel bad. I never ask if I look fat though haha. I've always just hated that question in general.

  4. I honestly rather Jake tell me if he thinks I look bad then let me outta the house looking like that. I want to look attractive to him so knowing what he likes and how that blends with my fashion choices is helpful. The other day I was wearing pattern tights with a pattern skirt. To me, the patterns clashed just enough that they worked but to him, it looked too busy. I took them off and ended up wearing something better. Problem solved!

  5. I am not in to telling lies or stretching truths. Constructive criticism is great. I may think that also because doing graphic design forces you to take criticisms and like it? I dunno. But that is a good way to handle the situation....suggesting you wear something else that looks pretty on you. I have given up on asking my boyfriend for fashion advice though. He doesn't care.

  6. I don't think they should lie, I think they should already think you look like a goddess no matter what, clothes or no clothes haha

  7. I look at it this way: I don't want to go out in public looking like a fool. If my husband let's that happen, I'll be more pissed about THAT than him being honest and telling me something looks bad from the start.