The Balance…Defining the Edge…

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Somehow in all the craziness, Cj and I have a balance of give & take in our relationship. The balance appeared one day naturally and we just let it swing us here & there. I think this is one of the reasons that our relationship works. When I’m sick he makes me soup, when he’s sick I make him tea, and we are both sick we decide to stay away from each other so we can both get better. Lol. I’ve been going to his band practices for support, he’s going to my cousin’s wedding to support me, he came and held my hand the entire duration of my grandmother’s funeral, and every time he speaks about his late father I fasten my mouth closed and listen to him, letting him talk for hours if he chooses. We’ve been talking a lot about our possible future together and this balance is one of our strong points…

When the lead singer of CJ’s band noticed I was coming to more practices she took me aside and asked me a question:

Why do you come to practices to watch CJ? You have come to the last three of them…Why?

A lil dumbfounded at her question, I answered because he asked me to come and it was within my power to go. I told her how he is supportive of my Adult Ed Cupcake Class and has even helped me on several occasions deliver them &/or tell people how great my cupcakes are. I would love to do the same for his new band. Take photos if he needs me to or videotape them playing. I went on to say we’ve been in a relationship for 2 years & if he wants me to be there, then I will be there. I wouldn't think twice. He also looks hot playing his bass but I didn’t tell her that lol. 

She looked at me w/ a half-smile and said,

“I’m considering breaking up w/ my boyfriend because he won’t come to see me practice & sing.  I’ve done several things for him just because he’s asks me too but he won’t return the support to me. Is that messed up or what? Shouldn’t he want to go to practice to support me? It is so awesome that you come to see CJ play. He lights up like a F**** Christmas tree when you come w/ him…I want that with my boyfriend…is that too much to ask for???”

I looked her dead in the eye and told her that it is NOT too much to ask your boyfriend to come see you sing & play. There should be that balance between a boyfriend & girlfriend and support. She shook her head, “Yeah” and was like “Exactly”. I told her they should sit down together and really evaluate what each other wants from their relationship. I hope they work it out, or find out that they aren’t right for each other & want different things. *Keeping my fingers crossed for her*

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Relationships are a funny thing, but that balance holds them together.

Do you agree? Is there a balance in your relationship of give & take?

I’d love hear…

Will You Tell Me I Look Fat In That Dress In the Future? – A Relationship Post

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New Couples are blossoming everywhere  this Spring  in CJ & I’s social life. One couple is CJ’s cousin, Katrina, & her new boyfriend, Clyde. They met about 2 weeks ago, but hit it off so they are already boyfriend & girlfriend. *Insert “Awww” sound.* Even though it is so new that it has a new car smell, they have already had their first constructive argument where Katrina got mad at Clyde’s answer to a small question. 

“Will You Tell Me I Look Fat in That Dress In the Future?”

Clyde said, “Yes I would tell her.” Now, personally I applaud Clyde's honesty to Katrina right off the bat. It may sound mean, but he didn't say it in a condescending way or as a snicker, he was just telling the truth. Depending on how you act on those first dates, a few stretched truths sometimes wiggle their way into the “About Me” categories. I told Katrina to not be mad at him that he would tell her about a future dress but appreciate that he would give her a true blunt honest response. Sometimes due to the relationship status those stretched truths become lies so the other person doesn't get hurt, but I'm a sucker for pure honesty.

I would be so happy if CJ told me that I didn't look good in that dress or those shoes. He actually hates these pair of flats I bought, but I realized he only hates them because the design is too busy. When he told me he didn't like them, I of course was pissed for a second, but then I took them off and changed my shoes. Every girl I know loves them on me, so it must be a girl thing to like them. CJ didn't yell or sound like a jerk, he simply stated "Hey Babe, I don't like those shoes, you should wear those black ones. They are really cute on you." I'm not going to NOT wear these shoes anymore, but I'm only going to wear them when he isn't around. I guess I'm weird but because he was honest & not an asshole about it, I took the criticism and went on like nothing happened. Even CJ was shocked I didn't blow up at him.

I calmly told CJ that I thought how he told me about not liking the shoes was nicely done. I think guys forget that they can say something negative to their girlfriends without coming off as an assholes if they tell us nicely & constructively. I told Clyde all of that after hearing about the future dress issue, and said well don't come right and say "That dress makes you look fat" to Katrina, but perhaps say, "Hey, hmmm...I like that other dress you wore to so & so better. Why don't you wear that, instead?" Clyde nodded, hugged me, and said I hope I remember that because that's perfect! 

Am I crazy here or,

If Guys tell us Nicely & Constructively Instead of being an Asshole that the Dress is Unflattering is it Okay??  Or Should they Lie??

What are your thoughts on this matter??

Hmmm...What to Make of This??

By the picture, I'm sure you guys are questioning why I put of a picture up from the awesome movie "The Proposal" to kick off my post. Well there is a reason and I hope there aren't people who are reading my blog that I don't know about in my daily life. Anywho let's get started...

Two weeks ago, a person in my life, not CJ, asked me what type of wedding ring I would like in case CJ proposed to me. This person is very close to him and if I was an anime cartoon I would have been flying through the air with lil hearts everywhere when she asked me. She had a catalog to show me from Macy's so I could get an idea. After the glow of being asked this question wore off, I was absolutely flabbergasted she asked me about this because I have no idea if it's just her wanting to know my dream ring or if this is CJ asking me for him so he'd have a clue...Or is it a completely different reason all together?? I wonder...

But honestly I'm scared to start poking around the gossip wheel for that information because I want to be suprised if this a real legitimate possibility in my future. But now I'm trying so hard to NOT to let it slip that this occurrence happened when I'm talking to CJ. I have been trying not to put any pressure on him about moving in, which still hasn't happened, or eventually getting married. We've only been together 2 years...there is no reason to rush. This is exciting tho...I'm keeping my fingers crossed... =)

The Dating Game...Only Three or Four Dates??

Over the course of the past month, a few of my friends have complained to me about the same exact thing and I'm honestly drawing a blank. Each girl has met a guy either online, at a bar, one at her kickboxing class, and another was a friend of friend. I've seen these girls be so happy and hopeful about the charm and prospects of the new men in their lives. They are planning new date ideas, telling me how they talked all night, and one went to karaoke on the first date. One of my friends actually went to the same restaurant CJ took me on our first date. I would smile at them and say, "Hey, I'll keep my fingers crossed for ya!".

Fast forward to after three or four dates...that seems to be the magic number here...the guys will start acting peculiar. One told my friend Julia, he was so tired and broke plans with her for Friday night. Low & behold on Facebook, the same guy mentioned how great the Mass Effect 3 game was that same night. She never heard from him again. Another friend, the guy seemed perfect on paper, but admitted that he forget he had a Fantasy Baseball draft one Friday night that should have been the 5th date. Understandable, so my friend let it go and tried to make plans for Saturday night w/ him. He said he again had plans he had forgotten about that he had made w/ the guys. She is currently still waiting to hear from him...With another the guy just seemed to disappear into thin air after those three or four dates...

After every date in the beginning w/ CJ, he would say to me after a few moments of making out, when can I see you again? I think we had a date every few days for a month before I was his girlfriend. We never had that hurdle to overcome of the first few dates block. Every one of my friends w/ this 3-4 date issue are asking me why CJ and I didn't have this problem and asking him how did you know Melanie was someone you wanted to see that next time and next time? "We clicked and somehow it just felt right..." Well that isn't the greatest answer to give. But I haven't always been this lucky w/ guys.

I dated this Drummer Boy for a while, but after the 5th date he admitted he wasn't done yet w/ his dating life and didn't want to settle down. I at least in that scenario got a straight answer and didn't waste my time. Another guy I dated, the Spanish boy w/ the grey eyes, after 3 dates called me the wrong name and told me he had pneumonia for 2 months straight was a coward. I saw on Myspace way back when he was dating a girl w/ the name he miscalled me. That magic numbers of 3-5 hit me in the face, not literally, but I kept trying...

I told those stories to my friends and they calmed down and proceeded to ask, "What is it about those first few dates that makes them run?? What are we doing wrong?" If it was only one friend it would be seem to be her or the guy, but 4 friends? It seems to be a pattern...and my friends are caught in the age-old question...Sigh...

What do you think on the 3-4 Date Curse? What's up w/ it??

Between a Rock & a Hard Place…I Have to Tell Him…

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Over the weekend during St. Patty’s Day shenanigans in the city, CJ’s best friend Sean’s girlfriend revealed to me that she is not exactly happy w/ her current relationship. I’ve been thinking that there was something off w/ her for at least a month or so and I guess she needed a few drinks to finally tell the truth. 

CJ’s best friend and she have been bickering lately and all through St. Patty’s day they didn’t take one picture together. We took pictures of her, and she took a pic of him, meanwhile she took a picture of CJ & me without blinking an eye. None of them together. It was odd & when we went out of the bar for her to have a cigarette she admitted to me she didn’t know what to do about her unhappiness because Sean doesn’t seem to have a clue about it. She is not a malicious person, so she doesn’t want to blindside with this information, but I don’t believe in staying in a relationship if your not happy, BUT I do believe on trying to work things out. She doesn’t know if working on it will help…

She loves Sean w/ all her heart, and they have been dating now 2 years, but she feels like he doesn’t even know her anymore. That is not good. I asked her if she has tried to talk to him about this, and she says she’s afraid to because she doesn’t want to hurt him, but…if you don’t speak up and be honest w/ him of course things are going to be messed up. I don’t know all the details but she really did drop this on me suddenly and I’m not sure what to do now…She never said don't tell CJ...

CJ is my boyfriend and Sean is his best friend, I feel like I should tell CJ what Sean’s girlfriend told me but I don’t know if it is my place to tell. I don’t want to see Sean get hurt, but I think him and his girlfriend deserve to be happy. Maybe if I tell CJ to tell Sean to talk to her about their relationship, perhaps it would be a step in the right direction for them to figure themselves out…or it could backfire and I’d lose her as a friend and things could get awkward for all of us. I just don’t know, but it feels like information I should tell CJ. It’s important, ending or working on a relationship of two years. 

I told her maybe they should try dating again; see if the spark is even still there. I also told her to tell Sean that she is going to have a really busy week and just needs some time to herself to relax a bit, so she can pull herself together and see what she wants to do. Maybe I should give her a lil time before I tell CJ…Ahhh…I don’t know what to do…

Would you tell your Boyfriend/Girlfriend if you found out their Best Friend’s Relationship maybe having problems??

 I would love to hear…

Just You...You Being You...

Men truly boggle my mind, especially my boyfriend CJ. I’ll explain…

 I have gone to great lengths over the past almost 2 years with him to look my best and always be show-room ready when I would visit him or hang out; kinda like first-date ready every time. I think it’s because I honestly read too many magazine articles about not letting yourself go, makeup – musts everyday, or watched  too much NICK @ NITE seeing all the ladies in the 50’s & 60’s shows looking perfect every time. I put on pajamas right before I go to bed and usually stay in my nice outfit until then, even tho CJ may have been in sweatpants since I got there. He will beg me to put on pjs but I’ve spent all that time getting ready so I’m not going to just be dressed for the car ride over there. 

BUT, last night I did things a lil bit differently and hell, got the result I wanted…

Thursdays are a rough day for me at work. I order about 3 million newspaper ads to be placed in NY & NJ. It’s a long arduous process and yesterday was spiked w/ more action. I came home washed my hair & then saw my yoga/pajama pants begging me to put them on at 6pm. That’s early for me to be wearing pjs. But I was so tired so I just put them on & an old jersey shirt from college & said Fuck it. My hair was a mess of curls but I did put make-up on and straightened my bangs. 

CJ strolls in to my apartment around 7:30pm and puts his bag down. I haven’t seen him this week because he was helping his mom a lot, so I missed him. I ran up to him and gave him a kiss and he looked back at me and says, “Wow you look really pretty tonight, babe. I like you in those pants…” Uhhh What??? I walked to the kitchen and he followed me to put his arms around me to give me another kiss. He proceeded to tell me, “I love when you’re like this, just you being you.”

So apparently, crazy hair, lil make-up, and comfortable dress-down clothes is what he wants……….It would have been great to have discovered this years ago…LOL. I’m shaking my head as I write this because seriously I didn’t understand what he meant when he would say to not try so hard. It was because I had already won him over, he was in love, and I just needed to be me. It all makes so much sense. I sort of feel like a big load has been lifted off of me. I love him a lil bit more now…yeah definitely! 

 

All I have to do is be “Me” in my relationship…I guess it really is that easy…=) It is true, you learn something new everyday.

This weekend,  I’m crossing my fingers, hoping it'll be fun…Happy St. Patty’s Day!! Be Safe & Best Wishes!

How Much Time is Enough? Can it Even Be Measured?

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On a day that comes once in every four years I think a post about time is appropriate. 

Today my friend Zoe called and told me how she is thinking of telling her boyfriend "I love you" for the first time. However she wasn't sure if enough time had gone by for her to say it to him and have him not freak out. The odd part of this scenario is that they have been dating a year next month. The word has never been slipped into their relationship. I told her I thought enough time had gone by for her to say it but she still seemed scared & then I drew a blank. 

After an hour of raking this over in our brains of his actions & his behaviors to her I told her to wait until their anniversary to see if he says it first. If he doesn't say it over the course of that day then she should say it. If he doesn't say it back then she may have to re-evaluate if her boyfriend even wants a serious relationship, which I know she does. But...a Year...normally 365 days...I think that's more than enough time to tell a guy the "L" word right? Or is it?

CJ sort of blurted it out after 4 months of dating. We were at a concert of a band I liked and I said to him, "I hope you don't think I'm weird for liking this goth band." To which he responded, "Melanie, I fucking love you. I could never think you were weird." He walked away before I could say anything but we exchanged the mutual "Love you's" later that night. Looking back...was that early to say it?

It just seemed so right with us and he said it first so it honestly let out some pressure on me to say it. I knew I did love him but this is an awkward subject that changes from couple to couple, I think. Another friend of mine, Samara, met a friend of CJ's in September, and by the end of October they were saying "I love you". By the end of the December they moved in together, but two weeks later their relationship crumbled. It vanished as fast as it came to be. They've both come to the conclusion they fell in love w/ the idea of the perfect this & that, but in the end didn't really know each other at all. Hmmm...

It took 500 days for Joseph Gordon Lewitt's character to get over Summer. I think in 200 or so days she realized she wasn't in love w/ him. That's almost 7 months!! After all of Season 2 & all of Season 3 Leonard in The Big Bang Theory said "I love you" to Penny, but it was too early for her. She wasn't ready. But then you have people that say it back but then don't mean it. Geez love is hard. Your right, Pat Benatar, love is a total battlefield. 

I also told my friend Zoe that she should say it when it feels right. If she feels it, she should let her boyfriend know it. A year is definitely enough time. Right?

What Do You Think? Is There Really a "Too Soon" or a "Long Since Due" Amount of Time to Say "I Love You"? When did you say "I Love You"?

Moving in Together: Dressing in the Bathroom???

In the rush of the mornings when my boyfriend stays over my place there is a about 30 minutes where I'm left to putter around my small studio while CJ does his morning routine in the bathroom. I'll sometimes take out his clothes from the closet and make sure he has everything he brought over the night before. Due to the lack of other rooms in my condo I can't help but notice him come out of the bathroom, hair all cute & scruffy, grasping his towel around his waist, and walking to get his clothes &  a razor from the closet. He'll glance at the clock to make sure I still have enough time to get ready too in the one bathroom.  But then he'll go back in the bathroom to finish changing....

We've been dating 2 years this May and we've had plenty of "Alone Time" *Cough Cough* even w/ the lights on &/or during the daytime...We know every lump, bump, curve, and dimple of each other, but he will go in the bathroom to put on his underwear and undershirt. Geez, this is really personal.

He does live w/ his mother on days he doesn't stay with me, so it might be a bad habit from 5 years of living w/ her. I don't expect a full monty Forgetting Sarah Marshall event every morning but he always changes in the bathroom. He'll switch pants & shirts in front of me...it's kinda cute because he has really skinny legs and his boxers are baggy, hehe, but the changing of the undergarments is a lil weird to me...I don't know if I should copy him...

By the time I'm out of the shower he's already left for work. The time hasn't really come for me to get out of the shower and put on my clothes in front of him. I don't know if I should bring the "Changing in the Bathroom" thing up to CJ in conversation or I could be making something out of nothing. But on the other hand, we have only known each other in the grand scheme of things for a short while so maybe he sees it as unnecessary nudity and feels vulnerable when naked in front of me? I know I don't feel as confident as I should right now w/ my body but I'm working on that so I might do the tent hopping around thing Bridget Jones did in the second one. Maybe we both have the same type of body issues??  Hmmm...

For those of you who are married or in a relationship, did you ever change in the bathroom when you started to live w/ your boyfriend/girlfriend? How did you overcome, let's put it out there, shyness w/ them? 

A Lil Tape WorksToo...

People say the beginnings of a relationship are the most important. Nah, I don't believe that. I think almost 2 years into it, on a cold Saturday night, without a holiday telling us to do this or that, nowhere to be, just chilling at home. A few minutes earlier in the car, CJ said, "Let's go home," meaning my home. Earlier than that he said, "I wonder what type of music our kids will listen to." Just know he made me laugh as he  tried to sing "Immigrant song" by Led Zepplin and do the "Ahhhh" part. Wow he was off key but it was adorable. These are the moments that make up my lil relationship...

This was a weird week for me because of Cj & I's argument. We didn't see each other til Wednesday, but he just seemed out of it. I was like Ah, Crap, what the hell...But alas I taped together my broken locket that CJ still doesn't know unfortunately broke again. He bought me a heart key necklace last Christmas and it seems to be the mood ring for our relationship. It broke last year and then suddenly we were on a break. When we were back on, I admitted to him it had broken. He got it fixed for me for my birthday. We were back & better than ever.

Now...I put tape on the broken locket this week hoping it would work in more ways than one...

However, the tape was not needed in our relationship or did it... Apparently the reason why he was acting weird had NOTHING TO DO with last weekend, it was due to the fact that on that night we had a fight, he lost his debit card. He fessed up to being sad because he wasn't able to order me the valentine's day gift he wanted to get me and the card he made for me wouldn't be ready in time either for next Tuesday. I laughed and he was asked why. I let it all go, hugged him, and just said I love you. We were fine after all...

So tonight we are just chilling out and enjoying each other's company and chilling at home...I like the sound of that. =)

How to Let it Go....

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Every relationship has arguments, hell even screaming matches, and it is inevitable. I really believe that it isn't a problem that a couple fights because sometimes that's how things need to be worked out and a compromise or decision will have to be made. BUT what the true test of it all is how to handle the fact that you just fought w/ your significant other.

CJ and I had a big fight on Saturday night. It was over something really stupid & what didn't help matters was that I was stone cold sober and he was not. Also the fact that boys will be boys and girls have limits of toleration. When everything simmered down and the realization that we do care about each other & love each other too much to fight over nonsense so we eventually went to bed in each other's arms.

I have to admit tho, that I'm still a lil mad... I'm not mad at the stupid situation I got lodged into, I'm mad that CJ's argument was that it's human nature for a man to act like a man as well as every woman will somehow act the same as every other woman. I don't think that's true at all. Yeah there are patterns of similar behavior between men & women, but isn't the whole point of our modern age is to be your own unique self & defy the norm? He did see my point & some events got cleared up the next day of what actually happened but his human nature defense drove me crazy.

The fight wasn't that big of deal and it got blown out of proportion. A series of unfortunate events also I think set us both off too. I really think I have to just let the whole thing go... It got all straighten out sort of. CJ & I fight so rarely & this stupidity is no reason to put a strain on our relationship. I think what he said was really within the heat of the argument and I really have to just let it slide off. It's not worth the aggravation. He hugged me and said he loved me too much for all this garbage. I love him too much too for this crap.

Grr fights...I hate them...especially this close to Valentine's Day. The fight it over and I will let it go...

How do you handle fights within your relationship? Have you ever had to let it go to keep the peace?

In Which I Freak Out about the Future…"Moving In Together"

Over this past weekend I was very sick & to help me out CJ stayed over in my condo for pretty much 4 days straight. This is the longest we’ve been stayed together in the same place that wasn’t a vacation. Well…cue - freaking out. A lil side note…CJ has Adult Attention Deficit Disorder, so he takes Prescribed Adderall to help him focus & he said it was the best logical decision he’s ever made to help himself out a few years ago. This past weekend, he ran out of his prescription, ergo his mind was not exactly how it usually is normally. I’m hoping a lot of this was not-an-ordinary reaction and sequence of events due to that lil fact.

I have a very small Studio Condo that I am lucky enough to own.  It was a split decision because I’ve always wanted to live on my own at least for a lil while and the opportunity knocked. I would like to repeat that it is a small space but the kitchen is a separate room and there are 3 closets. Cj & I have been batting around for a while now about us moving in together, but it really might be too small of space for CJ and I to live there together.

I knew I wouldn’t live there forever, but it might have to be sooner ending than later. This weekend Cj sort of planted himself on my couch and didn’t move for 4 days. I never realized how noise-centric his hobbies are. If he wasn’t playing video games occupying the one Tv set in my studio, he was playing his guitar which then made it impossible for me to watch TV without the subtitles on. That is going to be a problem. I can always watch TV on my computer when applicable I guess…. Meals became an issue. If we live together the discussion of “What do you want for dinner” will have to come up every night. I will have to keep the stuff he likes in my fridge & plan out stuff each night…I for some reason think this is going to cost me a fortune because he isn’t a sale guy and he is a “I like only that type of brand” for certain things…erm…He took off his clothes and let them fall wherever they fell. In his defense my apartment is not set up yet for him to live there but I don’t do that at his place. I hope that was the non-adderall. Also I don’t have a dishwasher…I never really thought of a dishwasher as a luxury item until now. Lol. I’m fine with washing my own dishes but I’m starting to doubt CJ washing any dishes. This is all freaking me out.

I know it’ll be different when the time actually comes for us to live together but right now a lot of planning and organizing needs to be done on my part. I need to utilize my space a hell of a lot more and be on top of my throwing stuff out & not keeping every little thing habits. I think a much needed trip to Ikea too. I opted to have a full bed instead of a pull-out couch bed and I’m regretting my decision a lil bit. CJ and I now have 2 queen sized beds to deal with. This is not good…I’m going to have to use my attic & prioritize. I just have to start right away…

It doesn’t help that a couple CJ & I used to hang out with just moved in together & then broke up literally 2 weeks later. They were not able to live together at all. It also doesn’t help that my cousin & his fiancée are not doing that great with the living together part either. Oh and it’s of course the blow it out of all proportions episodes of the TV shows I watch where couples are making the plunge to live together. Sigh…Okay…I have to start planning….

Were you Nervous before you Moved in with your Significant Other?? Did it Work?

New Firsts & Stolen Moments...

After a couple has been dating for over a year the amount of "Firsts" decrease. It's only natural. However Cj and I have actually been through a new first in the past few days. When him & I met we accidentally skipped over the "Meet the Parents" part because it just so happened that my father worked with his mother. We didn't know it at the time we met but we never had the awkward dinner or meeting with the long drawn out silent pauses.  Whew...

But this weekend we decided to mix things up a bit and start integrating our families together. All in all it's been actually a success. My Aunt & Uncle loved CJ's Mom & today my parents met one of Craig's Aunt & Uncles and it was awesome. The conversations flowed, stories were shared, there was smiles & laughs, and Cj & I let out a breath of fresh air. I really thought it was time to start combining the families a least a lil bit. We've been dating almost 2 years...it was definitely time.

I've always dreamed of a wedding where everyone is all over the place, laughing, eating, talking, and having a blast...not one where my family would be on one side & the groom's family be on the other not talking. After these few meetings I really think that if CJ & I get married one day I feel like our families would mesh very well. I think that's half the battle. If the families like each other...geez well that's one of the best bonuses you could ever hope for...

What a weekend...I'm still trying to process it. I've been sick so things have been a bit of a blur. The "E" word got dropped and I'm wondering if I heard it out of context. The "E" word that is attached to a ring...........I think that was a stolen moment I wasn't supposed to hear....I don't really know what to make it at this moment.

My life is suddenly very real, very live and in technicolor. The decisions and actions I do & make mean something and will have an effect on others. I grew up a long time ago, I had to in some cases, but now it's time to think like a true adult and make some life choices. Just breathe...


Cj stayed over most of the weekend, which will be a post in its own later this week, and before he left he told me it's going to be impossible for him to sleep tonight because I won't be there with him. I smiled at a the sweet saying but he's totally right. I'm going to have some trouble too. =)

What was your experiences meshing your significant other's family with yours?

 I'd love to hear....

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